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You know. Woman crying. I don't know about other men, but it always makes me feel like an asshole, even when I didn't do anything at all to cause it. You can't just slap a patch on it, like a leaky pipe."Hey, sweetie," I say, "no way you're ever going to be a mess."She looks up, moves the hand with the Kleenexes in it off to one side a little, and grins. I ask you. She laughs. She cries like a sprinkler system. She grins. Makes mercurial mean something like molasses. I don't know what to do. I smile; why not see if I can catch that grin and paste it on so it stays?"If you're going to call me sweetie," she says, "you probably ought to call me Janey instead of Ms. Urquhart." She grins again. "Little Janey, that's me." She starts sobbing. Oh, hell! I ought to call 911. I squat down alongside the chair and put my arm around her instead. Well, it feels good to me, maybe she'll like it."Hey, hey," I say. "It'll get better."Her head snaps up and she snarls, "Like hell it will, you asshole!. ”“What?”“That’s an Arbanitis, a Brisbane trapdoor spider. They’re not poisonous, but a bite can be painful. They live in embankments, and I’m sure an area like this, just above the high tide line is a popular neighborhood. But my point is really that Australia’s home to a very large number of unpleasant animals. Actually, unpleasant to us: spiders, ticks, scorpions, a large variety of insects, and lots of snakes, lizards, and things we brought from afar.”“I hadn’t noticed it.”“You wouldn’t, unless your foot went too near and it felt threatened. And then it would bite you. Just look before you step. Around here, I would have thought bulldogs would be more dangerous.”“Bulldogs?”“Bulldog ants. There are nearly 100 species around the Australian coastal areas. Their bites are quite painful and, if you’re allergic to the venom, fatal.”“Fatal? An ant bite?”“Oh, yes. Not often. It think there have been only half a dozen fatalities in the last sixty years. But nasty. And they’re big. Up to 40.
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